Friday, June 30, 2017

Thingy Ponders, Movers and Shakers

Questions and ponderings....



Can one be clever and stupid at the same time? Read, this.

Answer: Yes.


Can one be a snob and own it?

Answer: She seems nice. She also seems condescending and in another world, of which she is, the world of pretend and money and everything happy, happy, happy. It's okay to be a snob, I guess. Just own up to it.





Puff Daddy isn't Kanye!?

Answer: I guess I got confused when P. Diddy started changing his name. It's not like I keep track of either one of them.



Can England go on without the Monarchy?

Answer:  They could, but, I love it all, the Queen, the history, the jewels, the Tower. No, we need the Monarchy.



Can we laugh and be angry at the same time?

Answer: Apparently. I find Celeste Barber so frickin' spot on and hilarious. But, then I look at these women who are posing in such ridiculous ways. It's truly sad.





Doug Luzader asks, 'Has the President gone too far?"

Answer: HELLOOOOOO! Shit, how far are we going to let this loon run us into a third world country. Enough already. Fire him!







Thursday, June 29, 2017

"Hey, Shirl, Guy Thinks He's In Oz."


And I thought I heard everything... Well, I never heard this one...some people fake/embellish their vacation destination, men more than women. Oh, apparently, they do go,, it's just they give themselves an upgrade, then post the faux fun on social media. Say what!? I never get this mindset. You are a big, fat liar. How do live with yourself? To me, it's just weird. But maybe after awhile you do believe you traveled to Australia and not the Outback Steakhouse down the block.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Have You Had Your Belly Full of Summer, Yet?


Oh, Summer. Days of sun, beach, and festivals. Nights of fireflies, s'mores, campfire tales, and eating contests.

Wow, I cannot believe what this woman did! She ate over 20 pounds of beef at one sitting and would have eaten more, but the restaurant ran out of food. If you look at video you will see this woman is quite thin. Where does she put it? Of course, it's a fantasy of mine to be able to eat all the ice cream, pizza and pie, all day, all night. It's not gonna happen. The beef eating lass didn't even make any profit off of this other than eating over $500 worth of food. Yeah, that could have fed many a hungry child, but life ain't fair, we know that. Anyway, I'm going to get back to my rice cake and water, now.




Saturday, June 24, 2017

This Sporting Life




Okay, prove my theory wrong

So, I'm looking on the WWW for the fool Dad holding a baby whilst trying to catch a baseball. Lo and behold, there are several videos of men holding, what I assume, are their own children, going for a stupid ball. Of course the reaction from Mom was expected, but still I wonder why people would even bring babies to a game, or anywhere for that matter. But, let's get back to Dad. This is the perfect of example of the difference between men and women, mentally. So, is this a deal breaker for the family? I doubt it, but good luck working on another apple, guy. You %#$@**!!!

Here are some more if you don't believe me....









Dr appt? I hate this! Breathe...

Ugh, last post and this post written by robot, using my phone.  Schtupid autocorrect. 

I Should Quit


I seriously am a screw-up. I've been trying for the past six hours to get my book on kindle. Unfortunately, I used the unedited version and most unfortunately, I think the other, better version was already there. Some publisher, eh? I don't even check where I'm at. It's all so confusing to me.  So now I see two versions yet, I can't get rid of the Dr appt one, and when I write crappy, I'm referring to editing issues.
Anyway, I think you can read it for free, or pay something. I'm none too clear on the particulars.  Go to kdp and look for "waddya know! " by moi, Maggie Swanson.

Kudos to all who have a brain and can sekf


Friday, June 23, 2017

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Breathe In...


My fellow liberals, Democrats, ex- pats, truth-sayers, and lucid people- stop acting like, "them". Stop wishing they were dead, decapitated, or any other dreadful outcome.We must rise above the fray, rise above the disaster that is happening in this country. Wishing humans dead is beyond the pale, folks. We cannot lose our cool.

Look, I'm feeling your pain. I truly think this whole five months have taken a toll on my health. But, you and I have got to keep it together, and when I say together, I mean, let's start a happening that will benefit our wonderful, beautiful melting pot of humanity. Whatever it is, let's do it. whether that be having mass yoga sessions in the parks, petting kittens, having game nights...whatevs.

And then, we start crackalackin'. We use the brains and empathy and love to do something.

No more threats. No more hate. It just eats us up and right nice we have got to stick together and not lose our bleeding liberal hearts to stone cold hate.

Kay?

Thursday, June 22, 2017

"Number One is the Lonliest Number"

Musical toilets!? Who knew? Not me. I have a tissue with this. I mean, issue. Watching 'Real Milwaukee,' this morning, the group was talking about having musical toilets in schools so kids will not be embarrassed to go. They said some kids wait, and wait, and wait, until they get home to go.

Look, kids, even the Queen does it. Every living thing has to poop. Americans are so prudish when it comes to poop and pee and saying the word, "vagina." Perhaps that is why men and boys have this obsession with poo and fart jokes. Get over it, ya all. Embrace who you are, but make sure you wash your hands, after.

Great toilet songs...







Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Uber, Uma, Uber, Uma


What am I missing? Why is Uber such a big deal? Isn't it just some taxi service? I vaguely remember when a cute little car was shown, it's grill covered with a big moustache. So, they pick people up and drop them off and get paid. Seriously, is this some hipster fad that will go the way of ankle jeans and man buns? So many questions, so little interest. Yet, it always seems to be in the news, falling apart.

A little secret if you wanna ruin a hipster's day. They hang out a Panera.

Monday, June 19, 2017

It's the Hits that Matter

It's 4am and my mind won't shut off, so I think. Right now I'm thinking of the despicable act of the woman who was angry at her male aquantance so she decided to burn his house down. It didn't matter to her whether anyone was in it.

What is really making me so f-ing sad is the shit who recorded her actions, even as she asked someone for a light, and continued to video her without putting the damn phone down and trying to stop her, oh, and  yes, I do believe you can call 911 on that device. Makes me ill just thinking how out of touch and selfish people have become. They'd rather get someone hits on some website than stop some crazy bitch. An elderly man died in the inferno. Yeah, makes me sick.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

For Pops of All Kinds

To all the Pops out there. Okay, I'm talking the Monterey Pops, right now, because on this day, way back, tis was the prelude to Woodstock and weird, so History.com says.

I don't want to sound like an old curmudgeon with the old clichéd saying, "Why back in my day..."

Actually, 1967 was before my appreciation and or knowledge of some of the best. Janis Joplin and Otis Redding showed up. The Beatles and the Monkees, the biggest group in 1967, were no-shows.

So, if your Pops is still around, let him put on his type of music and just go with the flow.



Speaking of Pops and the oldies, I wrote this post about a man, who wasn't my Dad, but who, at the time, I wished had been my Dad. Our own father was around, yet, he wasn't. He went to work every day. We had food and clothes and shelter. For that I am grateful. In my dreams, now, Dad is always there for me. I wake up and think, "Okay, Dad, I hear you, now. I know you loved us."

Anyway, this is for all the Dads out there. Hug your children. That is a gift neither of you will forget.

Read here, for my oldie post.

'I wish that he had been my father. I watched with envy and sadness as he kissed his children good-night. I longed to be with them as they scrambled into their car for a family vacation. I sat on my front stoop, fireflies dancing on a hot summer night and listened to the whispers and laughter as dad and son contemplated a chess move.

He always seemed older than the other fathers in the neighborhood, but he was always around for his children. He danced like a loon when his boys formed a garage band. He said nothing but kind words as his first daughter lurched around the block, learning how to drive.

He fed the neighborhood kids cookies and watched as they climbed like monkey's in his apple trees.

He was a good man, a good husband who smiled when he came home from work and his wife came out to greet him. It was because of them, I knew a man and a woman could love and respect each other.

And most of all, he was a good father.

I wish that he had been mine, but, because of him, I knew there were good guys and I kept that with me for a very long time.'

Happy Father's Day.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Mistrial of Justice

With the exception of the O. J. Simpson trial. I have the utmost respect for the men and women who sit on a jury. It must be very stressful, you have someone's life change in your decision, and to make the right decision is a critical responsibility. The jurists in the trial of Bill Cosby spent 52 hours trying to come to an unanomous vote regarding whether Cosby was guilty on three counts. The judge finally declared a mistrial after twice demanding the jurists go back and look at all the evidence. You'd have to be from Mars if you do not know anything about the allegations from at least 60 women who claim Cosby drugged them and then raped them. 60 women. This was a case of one woman.

So, being a couch jurist, I can feel empathy for all involved, except for Cosby. I have no doubt he did what 60 women said he did to them. I am angry at his wife who plays deaf and dumb.

You wonder why these women didn't come forward at the time of (alleged) rape?

You only need to see the results of this trial to know why.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Something Wickedly Funny Comes This Way

I think we need to laugh a bit. The last few days I've felt like I'm unraveling. So much pain...

Yet, I digress...

I like Pinterest. I found some funny stuff of which I'm still confused of the source of whence it comes. Something called, simplebooklet.com, and ProfessionalLibraryLiterature.

Meh, just go to Pinterest if you find these faux book titles amusing.










Tuesday, June 13, 2017

As I Watch Sessions


What a load of B.S. he spews

Stay tuned...

He's very thirsty.

He doesn't remember a Russian being in the room!?

Trump just arrived in Wisconsin. Get OUT!!!!

Sessions is not doing well. Lying from his mouth and arse.

Oooh, Heinrich not taking Session's lack of truthiness.

Session's writing down names.

Comey 1 - Sessions- zilch

Lot's of ass kissing by Republicans.

Lots of anger from Dems.

Gahd, so damn frustrating. It's old school at it's best. Session's refuses to talk claiming he is protecting Trump, although Trump, has never asked for executive privilege, and does not include Session's reasoning for his own silence. When Kamala Harris tried to ask Session's where this special paper was about keeping quiet just in case Trump wants to 'talk,' 

she was interrupted by two Senators, one who has been in a coma (McCain) since 2012.

A f-ing total waste of time

Image result for Funny Throwing Papers,  as the Senate fiddles with your lives, trying to find the easiest way to rid millions of health insurance. AND, yellow hair is here (get off my lawn!) chumming and bumming with Gov. Walker. Oh, by the way, you can get a picture with yellow hair- just hand over 10 grand for that special treat.

You could buy ten thousand things at the dollar store.

Monday, June 12, 2017

This Day in History

Wow, big news day in history. Gregory Peck died, Anne Frank receives THE diary, Nicole Brown is murdered, and Ronald Reagan tells Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall, something yellow hair should listen to.














*Read more with link to History.com up above.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Closed For The Summer


Just the other night I was thinking we don't hear too much about Spain. Then, this little ditty comes out. Manspreading!? My, I am not up to date on this, although, looking to cite sources, I see this has been a big deal across our planet. Of course, I have seen men do this, and, yes, it's quite annoying. I could understand if there was a real necessity to air balls, but I just get the impression men do this to mark their territory. "Me man, uga uga. I got big balls. Very important. I must show the world how big my balls are, uga uga."

Yes, it's annoying and amusing. You look foolish, men, to the point the powers that be have to ban your ball behavior.

Okay, thanks, Spain. Glad to hear from ya and happy to see that is your big problem. Carry on and keep them closed.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Stranger Than Fiction


Yep, truth is stranger than fiction, although what this poor woman went through is like a horror movie. Kathleen Kauppi was charged with arson and held inside a cell, her picture in every local paper. She was charged with setting fire to not one, but two of her homes, plus setting fire to a relative's home after her houses were destroyed. At the relative's home, the sofa where Kauppi was sleeping was doused with an accelerant and lighted. Kauppi was the prime suspect. In the news she was accused of having dementia, perhaps the reason for her recent behavior of fire starting. As I read the story, I never assumed it could have been someone else. Who would do such a thing besides Kathleen Kauppi? Looking at her face, I assumed she was guilty.

The truth- her nephew confessed to trying to kill his aunt for her money and trying to cover up forging her checks.

Wow. This story/nightmare is still ongoing. I don't know if the police suspected anyone else. Perhaps not, if Kathleen was sitting in a jail cell, charged with arson. What if her nephew had not confessed? I can't help thinking of what this 70 year old woman went through. I am so glad the truth came out and I hope I have learned a lesson in all this.

*I'm also questioning my including art for such a serious subject, but that's on me and my need to comprehend this, visually.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Almost Midnight Rant

I've been reading quite a few articles from the Washington Post. I've also read that my cheddarhead Trump sycophant, Paul Ryan, is saying the leader of one of the most influential countries on the planet, ..."is new at this."

This is a country where men and women, parents, spend thousands of dollars so they, or children,  are educated in the field of their dreams. Yet, any ding dong can run this country without knowing anything about the law, the rules, the history. It is truly mind blowing anyone with money can sit in the oval office and tweet away his defense. In the meantime, Americans are sick with worry regarding whether they will have their social security benefits reduced to a pittance, or,whether they will be able to have that operation, or, even whether they'll be able to take a train to a national park.
I get the fact that Americans are sickened by the games politicians play, so they thought voting for a man who has no political knowledge a good idea.
We are up shit's creek and all this crap we've had to deal with is unacceptable. It's a disgrace. If this fool is still near that red button a year from now, it will be a detriment, a sick joke,
 to all the men and women who have tried to serve all Americans.

*I'm on my iPhone, writing this. Just had to get this out.

Surviving the Apocolypse

Oh, laws, they are back. The creatures from another world. What do we do!? If they are in your house, in your yard, in your grocery aisle, it is hard to ignore them, yet, YOU MUST IGNORE their every demand. They will get under your skin, invade your most private thoughts, make you want to scream. But, don't give up, Americans, there are ways to appease these vile monsters.

Survival List
give them all your money
feed them junk food
trick them into the car
and leave them for others to feel the pain
beg
grovel
plead
bribe
drink wine, lots of it
ditch them in parks
don't give up
they will go away
again
in September.
Good luck, Americans.


Thursday, June 8, 2017

Comey Under a Few Sparks


I did watch about an hour or so of James Comey's 'confession.' I'm not any more enlightened than before this probe. According to Comey, his gut told him Trump was trying to tell him something. Um, okay. Ya all know I cain't stan' 'im, that orange headed Narcissus. But where's the smoking tapes? What I heard from Comey's mouth was nothing. Of course, I'm not a lawyer, or an intellect. I'm just a girl with a blog, and a headache, who thinks there is a lot of gas coming outta angry asses, butt, not much else. One thing Trump and I may have in common, (ugh) we would sure like to know what went on in that closed session. I think ol' Donald will be tripping the light fantastic after this. Can a human get any more arrogant? Lordy, yes.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Who Am I, if Not A People?


Who am I,
if not a people?
Perhaps a stork,
in nest by steeple.


Who am I,
if not a miss?
Perhaps I swim
among the fish.


Who am I?
oh, Eric, heir.
Perhaps I am
your worst nightmare.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Duggar Digs a Ditch Defense


The only thing I know about the Duggar family is that there are many of them, loads of them, and that a brother, Joshua, allegedly(?) molested four of his sisters when they were all minors. The women, now all adults have sued the magazine, 'In Touch,' for publishing the sordid deed and also,the police department of Springdale, Arkansas for giving information that was meant to be private. Well, I can't blame the women for feeling yet again violated. Although, under the Freedom of Information Act, what the police and rag mag did was legal, it certainly seems morally reprehensible by exposing these women. (pun was not intended, but I'll leave it)

What is new in this ongoing family of too many, is that brother Joshua wants in on the lawsuit, claiming his life has been ruined as well by the release of the information. He blames the law and media for his troubles.

Although I do find (Judge Thingy, here) the magazine guilty of being the shits they are, seems everyone in this tale made money from sharing their lives for all the world to see. If the women really thought this was going to go away, then they are naïve, and since I have never watched the now cancelled, "19 and Counting," reality 'show,' I can only assume what goes on. Although I have sympathy for the Duggar females, I do not agree with keeping dirty secrets hidden, as if the women had done something wrong. This is 2017 and we still cannot seem to be able to understand that the person who has been raped, sexually assaulted, and/or abused is NOT at fault.

So, back to Joshua, who is married and carries on the family tradition of begetting more offspring, ugh and ugh. I sincerely believe child molesters, no matter what age, will always be child molesters. I worry, worry, worry for the victims. I'll say no more.

Monday, June 5, 2017

MY Sunday Movie Marathon



I was in a movie marathon mood, yesterday. I watched four movies and now, I'm gonna tell you about them. I will try not to spoil the denouement of each one, but don't count on it, cause none really explain it anyway.

Number one: Monkey Business, starring Cary Grant, Ginger Rogers, and Marilyn Monroe.

Plot: Grant is a scientists working on a formula everlasting youth. He fails to come up with a potion but a lab monkey finds the solution, then pours it into the lab cooler. Chaos ensues.

Acting abilities: Grant is always awesome in everything he does. There seemed to be some tension between Rogers and Grant, and not in a good way. Monroe had a small part and was so very noticeable. Perhaps, that is why Rogers was grumpy.

Good clean fun.


Number two: Small Apartments, starring Billy Crystal, Johnny Knoxville, James Caan, James Marsden and other people unknown to me.

Plot: A creepy man lives alone whilst his brother is in a mental ward. Brother one thinks he may have killed landlord and tries to get rid of body. Crystal is a fire investigator looking into death, although landlord had been stabbed, shot, burned...

Cringe factor: 10 (1 to 10) This is one of the visually grossest movies I have ever seen. Everyone looks disgusting. The location is scarier than any horror movie I have seen.

If you can get over the fact that it is so ugly to watch it is a fairly decent story. Nothing I would ever watch again, though.


Number three: Hell House, LLC, starring Hollywood star wannabees.

Plot: A bunch of young adults prepare to scare the dickens out of Halloweensters with a haunted house theme, although the hotel is already haunted by clowns and other vague shadows. The hotel was an actual haunted place if you believe in that sort of thing. It also had a creep factor, especially the clowns, but it wasn't scary. Made no sense to me, really. I'm confused by one part where one man wants to leave after being told something only the leader and another crew member knows. I must have missed what the hell that was about. If you get sick from moving cameras, forget this one. In fact, just forget this one.


Number Four: Get Out, starring some incredible actors, all.

Plot: Girlfriend takes boyfriend to meet parents. They are strange, as are the maid and groundskeeper and everyone in the movie except for Chris and his friend, Rod.

Scare factor: Meh. Creepy, yes. Really fabulous acting, great photography. Some funny moments, too.

I don't like movies trying to teach me a lesson, especially one that blames liberals for racism. Just tell a damn horror story without the preaching.

Golly gee, can you guess which one I'd watch again and again?

And, if you want to be creeped out and take shower after shower, Small Apartments is it. The creepiest of the lot.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Stevie Did Not Mean Men


I get it. The days of men working on their own cars is over, as is, Old Spice, cotton hankies, nylons, and home cooked meals. I like that the world changes, for the most part. Some of it has been pretty shitt... but, I digress...

But....

I will not accept men wearing lace.


WTF!?  Lace is for curtains and Victoria Secret models.

I'm glad men are able to cry, hug, talk, wear man buns, carry purses, and do all that stuff in a pink shirt.

But....

Lace has gone the way of dinosaurs and the Aunt Bees.

If I ever see a man wearing lace and I get the vapors, I hope he will be manly enough to lift me up to carry me to Woolworth's for an egg cream soda.

Friday, June 2, 2017

The Galls


Have I heard it all? No. I have recently learned women use oak gall balls to tighten their nether region. These balls carry the larvae of wasps. Seriously, who thinks of these things?

(((lalalala))) "Oh, look balls on a tree. I think I will stick one in my mouth. Oooh, that hurts. It's making my mouth pucker and tighten. Ooh, I think I will put a few in my vah-jay-jay. Aaaaaaaaahhhhh, the pain! I feel something. Oooh, I'm going to pass out, but before I do I will memo myself to get a patent. Oh, fuck, that hurts."

Take This Train for a Halloween Freight

Ya really wanna scare on Halloween?  Too bad this tunnel only allows fright trains. I mean, freight trains. I now understand why some peopl...