Monday, April 24, 2017

Pink is the New Gray

Hey, kids, you have over a month to get your prom outfits ready! I'm talking duck tape outfits. Yes, it's that time of year to get creative and win a scholarship. I haven't read the fine print because I don't care about that part, so, I'm not sure if you win a scholarship to Duck Tape College.
Yes, it's duck tape, unlike duct tape, the stuff Red Green used for many, many projects,

although it's the same stuff. Confused? Don't be. Just get crack-a-lackin' and think outside the roll. You have til May 31st to get your entry in. Here are some images from last year's contest. The winning couple, um, "Biff "and "Buffy,"

won. It took 39 rolls of tape and 207 hours to make. And, it Biff and Buffy get married and have little biffins, these outfits will probably still be good to go.

Other duck tape contestants from 2016.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

World Book Day

Today is, World Book Day. Shoot, every day is book day for me. I can't recall ever being without a book, and my love for many of the characters is still as strong as ever. As Sheldon Cooper explains to Howard why he is giving him his, 'spot,' he says, "I love my mother, my feelings for my spot are much greater." Yeah. I feel the same about books. Real live people are okay, but they can't take away my spot for Scout, Jane, Eleanor, Daniel, Garnet, Ignatious, Merricat - old and new friends. What can I say? Read a book.

A small sampling of some the books I have read and loved this year...

A new friend, Daniel. I am so glad I read this book, although, I was highly skeptical seeing that Steve Martin wrote it. I assumed it would be too silly, but the character in the book, Daniel, is so wonderful and the story is funny and touching and yes, at times silly, but oh, so sweet.

Oh, boy, what a disturbingly good book, written by one of the best, Shirley Jackson.

"A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head. The green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that grew in the ears themselves, stuck out on either side like turn signals indicating two directions at once. Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the bushy black moustache and, at..."

I will never tire of reading this quirky and sometimes, gross, tale about Igantius Jacques Reilly. So wonderful. The true story of how this book was finally published is just as intriguing as the book.

Some new characters, although, they can never replace Scout and Garnet. I'm sure as we get older and more jaded we lose that sense of wonder and feelings for people who never were. It's sad in a way, but, they will always be there for me.

Read a book, any book, in any form.

Friday, April 21, 2017

"My Husband Makes Balloon Animals, I Put Stickers on Fruit."

Despite what Tine Fey thinks, not all HGTV viewers are blonde boffing bouffant big boobed boobs. I'm none of those things, but I love the house shows, especially, 'Love it or List it.' I don't recall watching House Hunters too often, but the premise sounds familiar. People looking for their dream home and I do mean a dream home. I had to laugh when I read this article about what people expect to get and what they actually can afford. Everyone wants the open concept kitchen. Last year it was the "en-suite.' They all want 3-4 bedrooms, two and a half baths, office space, kid space, a pool, two car garage and a giant yard to entertain all their friends and family, all for under half a million, preferably around, $100,000. Like the people in the article, I kind of wonder what these people do for a living and how they expect to get all that on a pizza delivery job. It's too funny.

*Remember, the link is highlighted. You must look if ya wanna laugh or two. However, more than two giggles that will cost you plenty.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Ugly People

Recently, I wrote a post about a help center in our community that was in trouble because citizens who lived nearby considered the needy a nuisance, a blight on their property and too ugly to look at.
 The good people of First Step have decided to shut their doors permanently rather than invoke the wrath of a few disgruntled neighbors.

Yes, I get it, it's a pain to look out your window and see men and women sitting on a bench in front of the building, smoking, sitting, talking... most looking like they could use a bath. Some looking as if they forgot to take their meds. A few talking to themselves... Mostly, they were men and women who fell. For whatever reason, whether it be a drinking problem, drug problem, mental illness, they gathered in a safe place. Now, it is closed. Many Kenoshians are ecstatic. I wonder if they think the people will simply vanish, fall into another plane? The ugly truth; they are with us. People who cannot cope on a daily basis without help are still here. I hear it all the time, from relatives, from lousy comedians with bad sit-coms, from our own government, all these people need to do is work hard and they too can have a piece of the American Dream. Just pull up your big boy pants, suck it up, deal with it and stop being a pain in our well fed asses.

I realize I will never be able to change the minds of those who think this way. They are the lucky ones. Oh, yes, they are. They have managed to live a life without having to beg, grovel, demean themselves, or just give up. They have done it, the lucky ones. I think they would probably scoff if they read that line. Lucky ones? We just worked hard, pal, did it on our own, pay our taxes....

Yeah, I get it. Hardworking, taxpaying, resilient citizens, who don't want to look out their windows and face the harsh reality of life, because it is ugly.

So, what happens to the outcasts? Do they leave town, look for another bench? I guess some will move on. I think most will just go to another part of town and search for a safe place.

I sometimes wish I could be more eloquent, more articulate. The truth is ugly, life is ugly, and people are ugly.

*I would like to let readers know, the highlighted words in my post are links to get more enlightenment on my rants.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Beauty and the Beastly

Julia Roberts as the most beautiful woman of 2017? Well, she is purty, but it's 2017, People. You couldn't find anyone else? I can come up with a few...

Lupita Nyong'o

Jennifer Lawrence

Melissa McCarthy
Of course, this is 2017 where we should have figured out what makes someone beautiful, but ugly people on the outside don't sell magazines.


Yeah, so, Kim baby was having some giggles for his party. Just a little opera showing the demise of America. Hahaha, what a funny guy. Can't wait for the Broadway opening.

Oh, I'm a coo coo crazy man,
I want to blow the American,
My subjects starve and eat their feet,
oh, look upon my army and my fleet.
My bombs are duds and I'm a fake,
suck on that as I eat canine cake.
My people love me it's so true,
they wave the flags and hum, coo coo.

Everybody sing!

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Snap- On My Ass

Oh, laws, here they come. I knew Trump was reading my blog, and now, they are coming to get me. Don't be fooled by their silly deception, wanting you to believe Trump is heading to Snap-On tools. It's their way- say one thing, do another. Crap, I've said too much already. If you continue to read my blog, be aware, it may not be me anymore.

They're coming. Sssshhhhhh.....

Monday, April 17, 2017

WWW, When Where, What,

I've done this gig before, posting questions by curious people who are searching for answers on the WWW.  Some strange stuff shows up, such as... 'When will?'

1) "I die?"

2) "Trump be impeached?"

3) "The world end?"

4) "I ovulate?"

5) "I start showing?"

Interesting. Seems someone wants to get pregnant. Let me help you out with some answers.

1) Sooner than you want.

2) Sooner than later.

3) Sooner if Trump is not impeached.

4) Trump would know.

5) If the world ends- never.

Let's move on to your next inquiries... 'Where is?"

1) "My tax refund?"

2)"My refund?"

3) "State refund?"

4) "Casey Anthony now?"

5)"True love?"

6) "XUR?"

7) "My mind?"

1,2,3) Whoa, whoa, whoa, your refund will be delayed indefinitely so Trump can build his wall.

4) Seriously, you want to know where that, that woman is? Okay, she is listening to a sound that is coming from her chamber door.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
            Only this and nothing more.”

5)  OMG, grow up.

6) IKN.

7) Under your bed.

This is fun, right? See, you didn't have to go anywhere but here for knowledge. Eh-hem. One more.. "

"What does?"

1) "Easter mean?"

2) "The fox say?"

3) "My name mean?"

1) It means you have to wear an itchy hat, go to church, eat ham and eggs for the next three weeks.

2) "O'Reilly might be back. Then again..."

3) It means your parents loved you enough to acknowledge your existence, unless they named you Herbert.

One, one more... "Have you?"

!) "Ever seen the rain?"

1) No. I look through the drops. I don't think these guys know either, but let's take a listen.

*Poe, if you didn't know.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Have Some Coffee. Don't Use My Silver Spoon.

So, what do non-Christians do on this day? Well, I hunt for bad eggs. I found one! Markwayne Mullin, dude who was voted by the people, for the people, except the good old boy claims he pays his own way. This is the guy who came from rich, who's silver spoon is imbedded deep in his Oklahoma orifice. He took over the family business from daddy Mullin when he was 20. Blah,blah,blah.... Just another asshole who thinks he's smarter than the people who voted for him. Hmmm, perhaps he is. After all, they voted for him.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Face to Face With Your Self

I understand that our first instinct is to flee after a traumatic incident, especially one we may have instigated, but, at some point our conscience should kick in and we should do the right thing. Isn't this part of what separates us from other animals?

Unfortunately, some people choose to hide. They turn into cowards. They show their true colors. I ponder on my own morals and reaction if I ever had to face an anomalous experience. Would I be able to stand up to a bully? Could I intervene when someone needed my help? It scares me to think I could react the way Hubbard did. Again that deep down instinct for our personal survival kicks in, yet, some never think of themselves, they jump in and help. Other turn away when they witness someone in need of help. I'm sure I would never be able to forgive myself if I turned away. 

Nathan Hubbard killed 75 year old Wesley A. Hironimus on Sunday. He hit him with his motorcycle, then took off. He hid his bike, then went to work, as Hironimus was pronounced dead. Later, Hubbard again hid his bike in a friend's shed, so, others shared in Hubbard's cowardice.

Hubbard finally turned himself in AFTER images were shown in the media, and, before he hired an attorney. Hubbard claims he had no idea the man he had hit was seriously injured. (((pause))) Uh, is that his excuse? Hubbard needs to spend quite a few years in a jail cell thinking about that. Somehow, I think he will try and turn the blame to others, such as the victim. As for those who aided Hubbard, they also need to go away for awhile.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Having His Cake

Trump: "How was your chop suey, Ping? How'd ya like that firework display, Shee? Pretty awesome. We wiped out Shanghai and Beijing. Only took a 69'er, hey, hey, know what I mean? Why he's so quiet? Does he understand the words coming out of my rose bud lips?"

Interpreter: President Jinping is choking, sir. You have bombed our cities."

Ivanka: (((whispers)))

"Trump: "No, I said we bombed Tibet and Quebec." How's that cake, pretty good, huh? The underlings around here sure know how to throw a good spread. You play golf, Shoo-shoo?"

Interpreter: President Jinping would like to know why his chair is so low? He cannot reach his fork. He also prefers not to eat with the killing map in the room."

Trump: "Hey, do you think I can order some chopsticks from you? Beautiful, beautiful. My fingers can't hold on to forks." Okay, gotta go. Get out and have a good day. Ivanka, come wipe my chin!"

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

My 2.7%

My DNA results finally arrived. It was 65.5% no surprise. That is my Northern/Western European blood. Boring. The rest, 26.6 Eastern European. A bit of a surprise. That's in the Ukraine, Belarus area. Pretty coo. The neatest surprise was the 2.7 % Northern African bond.

Something like this...

I love it. That covers Morocco, Egypt, Libya...  I knew I had some exotic blood coursing through me! It explains my love for Moroccan lamps and dark cafes. It's not much, and I still have to guess how and why, but it's all good. Oh, and no Irish/English blood, which was a surprise. And a mystery.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Sermon Brought to you By Birdy

I'm taking the day off, the penguin will preach, today. Let's bow our heads.

Beep beep boop boop Baldwin biddy bopped boop....

Baldwin vs. Baldwin

Bip bip bum bum beep beep boink...

Bicycle butt cooling shorts

Beep boop bus bunny? bop boppity...

Beep boop busted bip bip bop...

Beep beep bye bye

Thursday, April 6, 2017


What happened to the nights when you tried to meet your future soul mate in a stinky, smoky bar? We lived on the edge, never knowing whether the one we batted our falsies (eyelashes) at was Prince Charming who just happened to pop into the bar to get a bowl of water for a poor kitty he found in the street. He certainly was not their trolling for a troll. Yeah, we lived on the edge. It was exciting- and rawther dangerous.

Nowadays, you can find your mate online. To me, it makes sense, although, the person behind that screen could be a 400 pound mama's boy. (Just ask Thomas Gibson about that) You can join special dating websites, such as this one. They will match you with your love connection by your credit score. Gosh, how romantic. Dating is hard. I gave it up for Lent. There really is no easy way to find true love. If knowing your maybe date is financially secure, well, have at it. I guess it beats sitting in a smoky saloon, hoping Mr. Kitty lover will see you through the haze.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Vacuous Interruptus

I feel for the guy - one ticket sold for his movie in the U.K. Who was the one viewer?

I'm guessing some guy who looked like this.

I have a confession to make. Yesterday, I went to the grocery store to buy a few items. I take public transit, because one, I don't drive, and two, it's convenient. Anyway, I am always thinking about how much time I have before the next bus comes. I get one transfer, so if I don't use it I have to pay again. It's not a big deal, normally, but with my anxiety, I make it a big deal, so I rush through the store then head to the self checkout. An older woman was in front of me, taking her sweet old time. Fine, I'll just look at the magazines whilst she finishes. She doesn't have much... 'Ooh, Doris Day is 95, although she thought she was 93. Haha. Is that really important, now, and how doesone not know?' Still waiting for woman to bag her groceries. Seriously, I now think she is deliberately taking her time. I've been through this scenario before. Let me take you back_-_-_-_- I'm standing in line at the local Walgreen's, the watering hole of every senior citizen in town. It is three days before Christmas. The man with the really awful wig is buying fifteen lighters. That's all, just fifteen lighters. The clerk rings him up and hands him his change, of which he now starts to straighten so our former leaders all face the same way. Yes, I am getting pissed and I'm sure he knows it. He goes slower, opening his wallet inch by inch. I'm not playing his game, or, perhaps I am, because I start to put my items on the counter. His fifteen lighters are already bagged. There is no reason for him to still be standing there except to get a rise out of me. He succeeds. He turns to me to complain about my items. I look at him and say, "Move." The clerk just stands there like a mannequin with her mouth hanging open. I know there are people behind me even though you could hear a pin drop. I feel like shit for getting angry, but this asshole is one of those people who love to get people pissed. I feel angry because of that as well, and the fact that the stupid clerk is still just standing there whilst idiot is still placing money in wallet. It was not a good day for Thingy. Now, let's go back to the present_-_-_-_ Okay, I've read the covers of the magazines and old bitty is still placing items in bag. There is a bar you can use to separate groceries but a bag of chips was in the way and I didn't want to move it, so I started to scan four bags of vegetables that I wanted to purchase separately, then wait for her to vamoose. She was not happy. She started pushing my bags back and told me to wait my turn. Now, at this point, I could have taken the high road and just smiled and waited, but I was back to that time in the Walgreen's. She wasn't such an ass as the wigged dude but she was definitely a human who enjoys pissing people off. I told I only had these four items and told her not to "worry about it." She finally left after whining to all the employees within hearing distance.

I felt pissed and mad, mostly at my own stupid behavior. I could have waited. I could catch another bus. I could smell the flowers and act like an adult. It ruined my whole day. I'm sure it ruined hers as well. There is really no reason to post this diatribe other than to make my confession. It's the catholic in me.

So, next time I start to react to an unpleasant situation, I shall try to think and adjust so everyone feels good at the end of the day.

Confession over.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Bull-1, Man-0

Ole. This is when I will probably get nasty comments because I'm rooting for the bull. Recently, I have seen two stories of bullfighfters being gored by the injured animals. Bullfighting is a disgusting 'sport'. It is cruel and senseless. Why would someone want to see an animal tortured?  And when bull fights back, is the audience thrilled or, excited by the blood, and viciousness of the attack? I don't feel empathy for the men who were injured. I want them to remember their pain. I assume the bull is killed and most likely not without inflicting extreme pain.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Dreamland Cursed

And the curse continues... Two of my favorite local establishments have folded. I don't understand why a book store cannot remain a permanent part of this community. People read, here. Perhaps they prefer their material on a hard brick. Mea culpa. I just purchased a kindle, myself. (Again. The last one is at the bottom of the San Francisco Bay) You can believe in the curse or, you can use logic. Now, it is possible whilst mom, the owner of bookstore, who was rarely there, had her daughter mind the mill, Apple was anything but diligent in caring for mom's dream. You might be correct, sir, in thinking it could have been a factor in why the store didn't make it. The young-ish offspring was usually seen sprawled in a comfy chair (meant for customers) playing on her phone, ignoring the piles of books that needed to be sorted and stacked. Near the end ( I knew it was near the end)  daughter just did not give a hoot whether people were in the store as wanna be buyers looked puzzled when there was no one behind the counter. The garbage overflowed, books fell off shelves and lay scattered on dirty floors, and the complimentary tea was nowhere to be seen. Curses!

The other store to leave was a Swedish bakery. OMG. It felt like home to me. I don't understand why they left so suddenly. It seemed to be doing well. I found a notice on their door stating they had had, '...a wonderful 4 1/2 years... Goodbye.' It always had people coming in who bought the extremely expensive food, handmade trolls and knitted socks. I was always intimidated by the server, another sullen young woman who seemed to hate every moment she stood behind the glass case of kaldomar, pannkakor and kringla, whilst warming blintzes. Was she another yoot-spring stuck in a job she did not want? Ja, perhaps.

You can't make your dreams come true by using family members who have other dreams. That's my sermon for the day.

Of course, we all know the real reason these lovely finds vanished.

I am cursed.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Your Sunday Sermon, Witches

"Donald Trump refuses to be manipulated, intimidated or controlled. What is manipulation, intimidation and control? It’s witchcraft. Trump refuses to bow the knee to the witchcraft of media. Media has had a spirit working behind it for so long it could make or break you in your career. With Trump, the arrows of media are like a pea shooter. It bounces off the armor. It’s not working. Why? Trump has authority in the realm of media and in the governmental arena. Right now hollywood, media and government is manifesting. What’s next? Watch college campuses for protests, etc. Strongholds are being shaken and hooks are being pulled out. "- Lance Wallnau

Your Sunday sermon brought to you by Lance Wallnau.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Cause I'm Naive, I Still Believe

The balance of good and evil. Yin- yang. Or, MPS. Milwaukee Public School board members have voted, unanimously, the school will be safe havens for illegal immigrants.

Been a long time since I've given a Thingy Award. Hey, it's better than a poke in the eye.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

"Wow Wow Toaster"

Even Nobel Laureates start somewhere. Bob Dylan was once Robert Zimmerman. He was a Midwestern boy and had spent some time in Wisconsin. He even wrote a song.

Yeah, a really kind a bad song. It will go on the auction block today or tomorrow, starting at $30,000.

Read Dylan's "Wisconsin" lyrics, with its original spelling mistakes, below:

"1. Wisconson [sic] is the dairy state
I guess you all know well
I was in Wow Wow Toaster there
The truth to you I'll tell
It's milk & cheese & cream
I've known 'em all my days
I'm going back to my hometown I'm leaving right aways

2. I'm a heading out Wisconson ways
2000 miles to go
Madison, Milwakee
[sic] set's my heart aglow
I'm a coming to that dairy state
My heart's a beating fast
I'll jerk my banjo gently there
And twiddle my mustache

3. There's thoughts I left there long ago
One a coming now it seems
I'll tune my banjo than the hills
And feast on milk and cream
And stamp my foot all thru the grass
And never know a care
My homes in Wow Wow Toaster
And I'm a going there

The song continues on the verso:

1. These people with you city ways
Are driving me insane to drink
My home's in Wisconson it's a better place I think
I've been in California
My home's in Wisconson
And I’m gonna own the town 

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

IT - Official Teaser Trailer

Oh, yeah.

March Madness

Just a thought cause I'm still trying to wake up, but I really haven't seen anyone in charge address the issue of innocent people being blown away by guns. Yesterday, a husband, father, and friend of so many was buried simply because he was doing his job. He was in the wrong place, wrong time, when a gang of thugs decided they wanted his car. Why they had to kill this man is something I cannot understand. I am tired of idiots bringing up the second amendment when it comes to their stash. Of course, the animals who aimed a rifle at Greg Zyszkiewicz's head probably never heard of the second amendment- an amendment written for another time, another era. Mass murder is becoming so common, it is just a scroll on the bottom of your screen, now, so we don't miss our favorite show.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

My Blood Runs Cold

(((heyheyhey))) What a silly story. This woman who has already used up her fifteen minutes has decided she is, "transracial."  Huh? Rachel Dolezal, who really, really wants to be black, but is really, really white, says it's just a state of mind. She feels black, therefore, she is black. I'm not sure exactly what she feels, I'm thinking, confusion. You'd have to ask her. I'm sure she'd be glad for another ten minutes of our time.

That reminds me, I ordered one of those DNA kits to find out where I come from. I'm pretty sure it's going to be boring. German, Irish, Swedish. Boring. I'm hoping some mad Viking had a fling with an Inuit. I prefer the cold. I would be surprised if I had any hot Latina blood coursing through me, although that would be cool, cool as in a neato kind of way. I shall keep you abreast of my origins. I'm sure it will be quite dull.

Call me, Thingy from Thor and Lusa.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Another Trump Dump

I've ridden the California Zephyr twice in my life. Both were life changing times. Not because of the train ride, although it will be a part of my transition forever. The first time I traveled the train, I was 20 and lost. I had no idea what I wanted to do in my life. I was running away from a bad relationship, bad job and all the skeletons I tried to lose along the way. The second time was when I didn't think I wanted to live anymore. It was, to say the least, a very strange trip. Yet, both times, the life out there is imprinted within. I had days to think as I looked upon such amazing scenery.  I had days to bump shoulders with other passengers. I sat next to a young man who was just coming back from his mother's funeral. I could only listen to him as he tried to hold in his grief. I shake my head in disbelief because these days people would rather get to where they are going, fast, faster, fastest. For me, I needed the time, needed to see such beauty. It gave me time to think about my own life.

Now, our leader wants to eliminate the California Zephyr. He wants to save a few dollars so he can build his wall. It's no secret, I despise this man with all my being, already. For him to take this away just enforces everything I think about this awful, horrible crumb of a man.

Someday, I will travel the Zephyr again, because there are people like me who will not let this die. We may have to wait four years, but, my travels on this train will never leave me. This one useless being, hopefully, will go back to his white tower and the destruction he will leave behind will be mended.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Body Language

You can tell a lot if you really look at whether people like each other or not. Just a thought, cause you can't see me. I'm still in my jammies and it's a little past ten am. I'll tell you why...

I stayed up late last night because I was watching, Love it or List it, that fabulous show on HGTV. I watch them all when I can, in marathon mode. Come on, everyone could tell Tarek and Christina

Wow, look at this ex-couple and their body language. Awkward

were not gonna last. Last night a couple complained because they only had $500,000 to spend on a house. You know, that's when I know I'm poor. If I had $500,000.... well, anyhoo...

So, after my fill of whiny people and gorgeous houses, I found, My 600 pound life, on TLC. I never knew so many people had gotten so big.

It's so scary, yet, I can't look away. It angers me to see families enable people who desperately need help. I even watched an autopsy on a woman who died from heart failure. She was 5'5" and weighed 238 pounds. I should have been a doctor. I thought it was fascinating.

Okay, time to leave Richard Simmons alone.

I did not watch the doc or whatever they call it, about the M.I.A. Simmons. He's okay. Just let him be, now.

So, it's almost ten am, I have not even had breakfast yet. It's dark and dreary outside, just the way I love it. I think I'll go back to bed.

Good morning.

Obama Celebration

Friday, March 24, 2017

Ding Dong

Ryan, follow the yellow curd road, home, dear. Your constituents want to see you.

No, it wasn't even close.

Here's Mud on Yer... What!?

Nordstrom's is selling mud jeans, for $425.00. What!? What!? I mean, what!? Really!? WHAT!?