Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Seven Million Dollars of Stinky Cheese

Hey, I'm not happy the way the election turned out, but the people have voted, so I will try to remain optimistic and hopeful.

I don't quite understand this recount going on in my own cheddarland corner. What is the point? Can it really make one iota of a difference? It cost roughly seven million for this. Think about that. Seven million dollars. That could feed a lot of people. That could buy winter coats, shoes, boots, hats, blankets for so many people.


Even if you had the six million dollar man deliver a million dollars worth of coats, that's still a lot of happy and warm kids.

Another thing on my list I do not understand.

*******************

Is there anything you can still find within yourself of that kid you used to be? I remember as a kid always looking for unique rocks or fossils. I still do that. I should have been a geologist. 

********************

Before there was digital online free drawing sites such as, Picmonkey, Lunapic, and Photofunia, sites I use to create my works of art (ho-hum) there was the hand.

I've been doing a lot with the hand lately. Yeah, I like to sniff paint as well. Takes me back. 

I present to you my hand stuff.







Yes, impressive, aint' it?

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

I Don't Get It

Things I don't understand...

Wendy Williams

Snapchat

computers

Facebook

jello

rice cakes

plastic ties, twists, rubber band, bullet proof plastic, for packaging toys


The Mcrib and the people who love it.


The Kardashians

Je ne comprends pas le Francais

How to get type in that funny c, used in words such as, facade or Francais.

He who shall not be named


Speaking in tongues

Eating tongues

people who wear pajamas in public

The Universe


Oh, this list could go on and on....

Monday, November 28, 2016

I'm Working, I Swear!

Hmmm... whatya gonna do? I just read, Visa's CEO, Charlie Scharf is stepping down after four years due to personal issues. Apparently, his family lives on the East coast whilst Charlie has been living in San Francisco. It must be very difficult to try and have a decent career and still have time for family. I really don't know how it can be done. Someone always suffers.

********************


Haggis coming to America? I've never had it but just looking at the pictures in the news I had to turn away.

*********************

I was channel surfing last night and saw an old episode of Star Trek where Spock is having some sort of hissy fit. I was more interested in the women who were walking around the ship, looking like they had somewhere to go. I wasn't a big watcher of the show, but still, am I the only one who thinks the future looked rather bleak for fat women? Can you imagine?

****************

Speaking of imagining... did you know some people cannot imagine? WTF!? What's going on in their heads? Sorry, I must have imagined story because I cannot find the link.

**************
Not this kind from the hood

You working, or scrolling for deals? I was looking for a wing chair slipcover. Not the kind we had in the old hood house where the cheap foam backing came off after a day or two.

This kind
 May as well by a new chair since the prices are almost the same.

Now, get back to work!



Sunday, November 27, 2016

There Was a Lady....

Okay, okay, if you've been here before you know my story about me and my kid sisters lying on our living room floor, with our meatball size burgers, or semi-raw chicken, watching 'The Brady Bunch.' We chewed on rubber meat as Dad passed us, grumbling his way to his own room, whilst mom popped open another Old Style, and talked on the phone in the kitchen.


I don't know about my sisters but I never had any fantasy of switching moms with the likes of Mrs. Brady. I liked her, but there was a sense of distance from her. I really cannot think of any telly mom I'd trade with my own. Yes, I wanted the mom who would be home when we walked in the door after school, giving us hugs and cookies. I wanted a mom who told me she loved me, stood up to bullying teachers and told me I was beautiful.

I didn't have that mom. I wasn't that kind of mom. I think that mom is just an invention, which is good because we are woman who are just trying to do our best. There is no perfect mom.

I tried to do my best. I believe my mom did, as well. I wouldn't have traded her for any tv mom.

A lovely actress died this past week. She was mourned by many. It's the reality of life and death and tv sitcoms.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Cheeerssssshhhh

Aam pefetly fine. Back Friday ish a blash at Lakeside Bwery. Love thish won day shale.

Meeerry Crishmash and news yoursh.



Pssst.. there is a link. Just click on bwery.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

You Could Be Eating Dodo


I hope you all have a very happy turkey day, or, preferably, a non-turkey day, which reminds me of a news story today about the dodo bird. You know, the one we have never seen because it was killed by marauding marauders. So sad, eh? Anyhoo, some guy has been saving dodo bones for over forty years to make one whole bird, which reminds me, people will be tearing apart a Thanksgiving turkey in about twenty minutes. Dodo was just auctioned for the bargain price of $431,000. (I think it's greenbacks and not pounds, which reminds me, we could be eating dodos instead of turkeys.

What a world, eh?

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Maggie's Restaurant


I did it, I did it! For the first time in my life I am done with Christmas shopping (Thank-you, Amazon) I have never finished this early and yes, this is early to me. I wish I could be one of those shoppers who can shop in June, picking out something for someone whilst sweating in their short shorts. I just cannot do it. It has to be cold. There must have been hot chocolate, or brandy involved before I can even think of Christmas.

The real bummer.... the house is a disaster. The food is coming tomorrow for Turkey Day, and did I mention, the house is a disaster!

Oh, Martha, lend me your staff.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Sunday, November 20, 2016

The New "Nanny." Same Old, Same Old

Growing up in a lower class caste system (Yeah, we have that in America) babysitters for five girls was not even a thought for my mom, a waitress, when she managed to stay sober, or my mail carrier dad. Usually, our big sister, who was probably, twelve, thirteen years old was forced to maintain some kind of semblance in our lives. Recently she opened up and said she sat by the kitchen table, pretending to do her homework when all she was doing was looking out the window for our parents' car, praying for them to come home soon.


She relied on the tv for a break. It was the lower class version of a nanny. TV was how my mother and I forged a bond. It was always on, always there for us five girls and mom. Dad hid in his bedroom with his own mistress and watched baseball.  Growing up it was difficult for me to break away from instilled habits. Even if I was doing something else like cleaning, nanny was always in the background, voices and flickering light soothing me.

So, two years ago I literally threw out the telly. I was so sick of faux news, ambulance chasing ads, violence, and just brain-numbing crap.Still, I missed a few things, like Sunday Morning, The Big Bang Theory, and local news. So, I let nanny in my house once again a few months ago in the newly formed 48" super slim style.She looked good, but soon I was following old habits and turning on the "judge" shows. There must be at least 15 judges making powerfully bad choices for the weak and weary. And the f#@*&^! ads for people needing a lawyer, or, whiter, brighter teeth ticked me off.

My lowest point was turning on Dr. Phil last Friday as he 'interviewed' Shelley Duvall. Yes, I was appalled at the audacity of this "doctor," to show in front of millions of viewers the deepest, darkest possession of mental illness. I can only recall one moment when Duvall was lucid. The whole hour was a disgusting travesty of Dr. Phil trying to converse with her.

Yet, I watched.. I also wanted magic to happen. I wanted her to get better. Still, there was no reason to put her through this facade of, "I'm going to help you," bull.

And yet, I watched.

I'm sure Dr. Phil, in his own creepy way really wants to help people. He also likes to be in the limelight. The money is surely an incentive to put humans through such mind cringing moments of the lowest forms of humanity.

I felt dirty after watching the show. I feel terrible even now. No, Dr. Phil could not save Shelley in the hour, days, weeks, his team spent with her. I hope she does get better. I hope she can get well enough to tell off all who exploited her, including myself.

I really need to tell nanny to go home. I think I want to grow up.

P.S. On a good note, Vivian Kubrick has started a GoFundMe.com fundraising campaign for Ms. Duvall.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

I'm Just Trying To Be Me


What is the meaning of "existenialism?" (hell, can't even spell that) But, that's just me, being me. :/

So, would the opposite of that meaning be group think? Is there such a thing?

What about those young ladies who started to get Tourettes-like symptoms?


Anyway, what I'm trying to say to those still with individual thought who can decipher ill winds when it blows their way, is, do not despair, do not join the dark side. I see plenty of people shrugging off what just happened to this country, already accepting our fate, lying down or laying low.

I'm not joining, people.

As someone once sang, I gotta be me.

And so do you, but do not despair. It's group think that spreads the darkness.

And, whatever you do, don't lie down.





Friday, November 18, 2016

The Loveliest Story


I really don't cry too often anymore, but this piece I watched on CBS, made me cry, happy tears, people. You have got to watch this.

Really, watch it.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Just Despicable

I also want to post this despicable behavior from a teacher. It's heartbreaking. Worse,(not much worse) is the response from the school's supervisor who said she thought everyone was done. Now, does that look like she wasn't paying attention? Hell no, it was a deliberate act. Gahd, what is wrong with people?


It's Grim Around Here


I believe I've spent a good many hours waiting; waiting for my mother to pick me up from the clutches of the Sisters of Trumpery. Waiting for my ex, as he talks to some poor schmuck who didn't have the time to run before ex talked and talked and talked. And if you tried to get away, he would hold on to your arm. Me. I waited. I waited for my child to crawl out of my body. She preferred to stay longer than allotted.

Seriously, I hate to wait, especially when a certain company says the delivery is on its way. See, you can track it. Well, I did, and nothing moved.

I waited until 8:07 pm. They promised delivery before 8. No package for moi.

I'm old. I do not wanna wait.

Well, except for, you know.

Micro Cosmic!

Well, I love them - micro homes. Under 300 square feet and made for those who like snuggly places.

The pros- Save space, money, utility costs, plus, you can move them around, or out of town. Perhaps a solution for those who are homeless?



The cons- Kind of lonely unless you are willing to share space with partner, a very loving partner. Someone can steal your little house which recently happened to a woman who came back from shopping to find her house, gone. Fortunately, the little thing was soon found, along a country road, or something like that. Kind of hard to steal a house, of any size.

Of course, outside space is a must. For me, 100 acres will do.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I'm Using 110%

My head is spinning. Who can I trust anymore? I used to believe every word in the printed news. Now, we get our information from so many sources, and it ain't good, folks.

Look what I found in The Chicago Sun-times? An interesting byline about Stephen Hawking getting all excited because something big was coming. I should have been suspicious because of the hovering UFO near Hawking's head, but I took a gander and lo and behold, it's an ad for some pill that will let you use 100% of your brain!

Hey, I saw 'Limitless,' with Bradley Cooper. (Great movie) I'm betting these fakers saw it too.


Although, they have Hawking, Anderson Cooper, and even Bill Gates, advocating the usage of this miracle drug, I had to delve further being the super researcher that I am. ; {

I found a site where it states, "Geniux, A Hoax" but then the article claims the stuff is great. Hmmm, me thinks something happening here, and it isn't Hawking praising this stuff.

Hey, but what do I know? I could be making this all up.

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Kiss My Ashes

I have been making plans for my future demise. Hopefully, it will be somewhere, way, way, in the future, yet, it is good to get that out of the way, and also make it clear how I want my cold, dead body to be disposed. I know I have no control how I go but I'd prefer it to be quick, so quick I would have had no opportunity to say, "Oh, shit." I wouldn't mind walking on a beach and then stepping on a landmine, although, I doubt that to be an likely scenario in Wisconsin.

There are steps to take preparing for the unknown.

1) Die.

2) Make sure I'm dead. I cannot resist a tickle.

3) No party, no crying (okay, a little wailing will be fine) no music, food... you get it. I will go into the Ethernet without fanfare.

4) Cremation, (Unless I did indeed step on a landmine. Disregard step 5)

5) Scatter my ashes in my favorite place.



Unfortunately, only my older sister knows of step five, and it is possible she may go before me, although, she takes better care of her shell. So, it is also likely I may sit on a shelf, in the backroom of a crematorium until we all turn to ashes.

I do have a point, here. I really believe in cremation. As much as I love strolling through cemeteries and reading names and engraved epitaphs, I find it such a waste of space.

Come on, think of it! Embalmed (toxic) bodies that  lay in a box forever and ever.

To me, that is weird.

Enough of this, now. Let's go take a walk on the..... Uh, perhaps I'll just go get an ice cream cone.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Hey, Joe!

So, we gotta laugh.










Aaaaaaannnnnddddd,,, I am going to wear the safety pin to protest. I cannot support this president. Also, if you can, support those in need.




Thursday, November 10, 2016

Einstein Was A Genius!?


Hey, I haven't been to this site in ages. I found this article fun and informative. Things your Ma told you which are total b.s., such as, bats are blind. Not so! Bats can see but use echoes to maneuver.

Did you know, wine does not get better with age? Article says wine should be chugged within a year of production.

I knew butter was not good for burns. Whoever said it never had a burn, apparently.

This is new to me. Mayo does not kill you if left out too long. It actually has acids which kill bacteria.

Now this one is interesting. Espresso does not give you a bigger buzz than regular coffee because the regular mud has more caffeine. Good to know!

Oh, ladies, vertical stripes do not make us look thinner. In fact, horizontal stripes are better for faux flattery.

Go to Cracked.com, or just follow the link, up there.

And don't get lost because moss on a tree won't help you.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Hell If I Know, (and other lines that don't come to mind because I'm not functioning well)


My fellow Americans,

                What the F$#@*!!! I will concede, yet, never support he shall be nameless from this post, the very last post I will write about he, the devil, demon...okay, the world has not ended, although, I was expecting the four horsemen to ride in any moment.

We feel bad, those of us who were blown away last night. However, we will go on about our daily business, albeit, wondering whether the person next to me is mortal enemy.

I'll be going out for breakfast this morning, then shopping, laundry.

Life goes on.

But right now, it's a little scary.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Sick, Sick, Sick


It's 9:20 pm and I think I'm going to be sick.

Trump was right. There are the hidden Trumpers.

Tomorrow, the world may change and not for the better.

More later. I feel so awful.

Are You Ready to Gruuuumble!!!!????


Well, well, I must update you about what happened with my surgery yesterday.

Nothing.

One half hour before surgery, and two minutes before I was to be I. V.'d, doctor cancelled all surgeries (he had three)

Why, you ask?

According to nurse, he claimed he couldn't get into hospital website. He had a hissy fit. Nurse confided, all he had to do was change his password.

And this is the guy who is supposed to touch me and cut me.

My beautiful sister drove all the way from flatland to be with me and carry me home with my barf bag.

Yes, we plan to roar, but not until after surgery. If it ever happens with this asshole.

***********************

I really hate dreaming about my ex. The dreams are usually cruel. He's always so horrible.

Let me take you there---------

Night time. He is driving. He is angry. I jump out of car. (A blue gremlin) and run toward some bushes and up a hill where a man is doing some gardening. I'm trying to hide in my orange chiffon dress, when I hear man scoff and belittle me for hiding. Then I see gremlin heading back towards me. Ex gets out of car whereby I steal car and drive to a costume party. Ex finds me and he and his thugs machine gun the place and ceiling falls on our heads.

Yeah, fun times.

*************************

Speaking of fun times... my sister and bro in law have been happily married forever. They were childhood sweethearts.

But, something happens to them when they are in the same car together, and using the GPS to find their way. The hospital we were heading to yesterday was old, and as we drove through the neighborhood, we could tell it had seen better days. It makes me nervous to drive through where houses have boarded up windows and steel bars on doors.

As I clench body parts and my stomach grumbles (fasting for surgery) sis and bro are arguing about directions. I have been in the backseat of their car for several occasions and this happens every time. They turn into Sid and Nancy. These are baby boomers who have embraced all the techie crap of the 21 century (except for online shopping. tsk, tsk)

As my stomach turned, I really wanted to yell, "How's about you look at those giant green signs which tell you where you are and where to go!" I kept my mouth shut. Free rides are hard to come by. As well as wonderful sisters and bro-in law.

********************

Half an hour and the polls open. Butterflies.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Life Latte, Please

I'm having surgery today, so wish me luck. If I don't come back, well, whatever.

Actually, I'm quite frightened. No, not about today, but over what happens tomorrow. I know the odds are that Clinton will win, but for it to have gotten this far with he, who shall not be named, it's dark in this world.

We really do need some friends to come to our rescue.

Over and out.

But, I'll be back. I hope.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

No, I Don't Like It


So, what the hell is really going on here? I was shocked when I first viewed the image of a police officer standing over the body of a dead man, taking a selfie, and giving a thumbs up.

Okay, maybe he is just verifying man is dead.

But, the smile. That gesture just changes everything in my opinion.

The image was released by an anonymous source, and according to mother of deceased's, lawyer, this photo may never have come out otherwise. Hidden amongst the garbage of pile after pile of police brutality by a band of, "I've got your back," thugs.

How else to explain that smile.

On the other hand, could this be something just as sinister... a photo-shopped image to ruin the career of one man and add fuel to fire over the 'reputation' of our police force?

I'll be waiting for answers.


Here, for more

Friday, November 4, 2016

Prove Me Wrong

Those polls, oh, those polls. I see them in the news, flip flopping more than a flip flopping walker.

I'm not quite sure how they work but I'm going to guess.

They ask a bunch of Clinton supporters for whom will they vote

Then they ask one Trump supporter, one thousand times, who 'he' will vote for.


I say, 'he', because I'm just guessing the majority of Trump supporters are white, male, blue collar, middle class, homophobic, nationalistic Neanderthals.

So, Wednesday morning when Clinton wins, YUGE, I do mean, YUGE, I'm going to be happy and pissed at those pollsters.

But, if Trump loses by a narrow margin, I'm going to be sad, so devastated at the 'hes', that voted for him. Racism lives and breeds big time in this country. I know because assholes confide in me, thinking I'm one of them.

Yet, naïve as I might be, I just didn't realize there were so many.

Prove me wrong voters. Please prove me wrong.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Mel's Lament (Cub fan forever)

It's over. Laws, it's over. I'm not a rabid fan of Halloween, but somehow I was bamboozled into going trick or treating with child and her apple. Apple decided to be firefighter ghost, then, raccoon firefighter ghost, then, alien raccoon firefighter ghost.


Let's just say she looked adorable. Honestly, it's my daughter who enjoys this night more then I or apple. We roll our eyes and scuffle along. I have to say nothing went wrong. For me, that's all ask.

But, I digress...

Dear Cubs, it ain't over til the fat lady sings. This is it fellas.


Here lies Mel and his Cubbie worn cap
waited in life, humming true blue still in death,
just taking a long summer league nap, to
 turn over and take one last ballgame blue breath.

We will replace his grubby old topper,
for the latest in martyrdom fashion,
the old style windy city showstopper,
a lifelong endeavor of undying passion.

Tis funny he lies in Ohio,
the land of Cubs foe, me oh my-o.
They must get some runs, 
from them native injuns,
but, be that as it may,
patience, patience, the fans do all say.

As for Jane, she cares not one wit,
she'd rawther talk to the oak trees, 
than hear the old goat grumble and spit,
that's strike one, strike two, strike threes!

Here's Mud on Yer... What!?

Nordstrom's is selling mud jeans, for $425.00. What!? What!? I mean, what!? Really!? WHAT!?