Monday, April 24, 2017

Pink is the New Gray

Hey, kids, you have over a month to get your prom outfits ready! I'm talking duck tape outfits. Yes, it's that time of year to get creative and win a scholarship. I haven't read the fine print because I don't care about that part, so, I'm not sure if you win a scholarship to Duck Tape College.
Yes, it's duck tape, unlike duct tape, the stuff Red Green used for many, many projects,

although it's the same stuff. Confused? Don't be. Just get crack-a-lackin' and think outside the roll. You have til May 31st to get your entry in. Here are some images from last year's contest. The winning couple, um, "Biff "and "Buffy,"

won. It took 39 rolls of tape and 207 hours to make. And, it Biff and Buffy get married and have little biffins, these outfits will probably still be good to go.

Other duck tape contestants from 2016.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

World Book Day

Today is, World Book Day. Shoot, every day is book day for me. I can't recall ever being without a book, and my love for many of the characters is still as strong as ever. As Sheldon Cooper explains to Howard why he is giving him his, 'spot,' he says, "I love my mother, my feelings for my spot are much greater." Yeah. I feel the same about books. Real live people are okay, but they can't take away my spot for Scout, Jane, Eleanor, Daniel, Garnet, Ignatious, Merricat - old and new friends. What can I say? Read a book.

A small sampling of some the books I have read and loved this year...

A new friend, Daniel. I am so glad I read this book, although, I was highly skeptical seeing that Steve Martin wrote it. I assumed it would be too silly, but the character in the book, Daniel, is so wonderful and the story is funny and touching and yes, at times silly, but oh, so sweet.

Oh, boy, what a disturbingly good book, written by one of the best, Shirley Jackson.

"A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head. The green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that grew in the ears themselves, stuck out on either side like turn signals indicating two directions at once. Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the bushy black moustache and, at..."

I will never tire of reading this quirky and sometimes, gross, tale about Igantius Jacques Reilly. So wonderful. The true story of how this book was finally published is just as intriguing as the book.

Some new characters, although, they can never replace Scout and Garnet. I'm sure as we get older and more jaded we lose that sense of wonder and feelings for people who never were. It's sad in a way, but, they will always be there for me.

Read a book, any book, in any form.

Friday, April 21, 2017

"My Husband Makes Balloon Animals, I Put Stickers on Fruit."

Despite what Tine Fey thinks, not all HGTV viewers are blonde boffing bouffant big boobed boobs. I'm none of those things, but I love the house shows, especially, 'Love it or List it.' I don't recall watching House Hunters too often, but the premise sounds familiar. People looking for their dream home and I do mean a dream home. I had to laugh when I read this article about what people expect to get and what they actually can afford. Everyone wants the open concept kitchen. Last year it was the "en-suite.' They all want 3-4 bedrooms, two and a half baths, office space, kid space, a pool, two car garage and a giant yard to entertain all their friends and family, all for under half a million, preferably around, $100,000. Like the people in the article, I kind of wonder what these people do for a living and how they expect to get all that on a pizza delivery job. It's too funny.

*Remember, the link is highlighted. You must look if ya wanna laugh or two. However, more than two giggles that will cost you plenty.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Ugly People

Recently, I wrote a post about a help center in our community that was in trouble because citizens who lived nearby considered the needy a nuisance, a blight on their property and too ugly to look at.
 The good people of First Step have decided to shut their doors permanently rather than invoke the wrath of a few disgruntled neighbors.

Yes, I get it, it's a pain to look out your window and see men and women sitting on a bench in front of the building, smoking, sitting, talking... most looking like they could use a bath. Some looking as if they forgot to take their meds. A few talking to themselves... Mostly, they were men and women who fell. For whatever reason, whether it be a drinking problem, drug problem, mental illness, they gathered in a safe place. Now, it is closed. Many Kenoshians are ecstatic. I wonder if they think the people will simply vanish, fall into another plane? The ugly truth; they are with us. People who cannot cope on a daily basis without help are still here. I hear it all the time, from relatives, from lousy comedians with bad sit-coms, from our own government, all these people need to do is work hard and they too can have a piece of the American Dream. Just pull up your big boy pants, suck it up, deal with it and stop being a pain in our well fed asses.

I realize I will never be able to change the minds of those who think this way. They are the lucky ones. Oh, yes, they are. They have managed to live a life without having to beg, grovel, demean themselves, or just give up. They have done it, the lucky ones. I think they would probably scoff if they read that line. Lucky ones? We just worked hard, pal, did it on our own, pay our taxes....

Yeah, I get it. Hardworking, taxpaying, resilient citizens, who don't want to look out their windows and face the harsh reality of life, because it is ugly.

So, what happens to the outcasts? Do they leave town, look for another bench? I guess some will move on. I think most will just go to another part of town and search for a safe place.

I sometimes wish I could be more eloquent, more articulate. The truth is ugly, life is ugly, and people are ugly.

*I would like to let readers know, the highlighted words in my post are links to get more enlightenment on my rants.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Beauty and the Beastly

Julia Roberts as the most beautiful woman of 2017? Well, she is purty, but it's 2017, People. You couldn't find anyone else? I can come up with a few...

Lupita Nyong'o

Jennifer Lawrence

Melissa McCarthy
Of course, this is 2017 where we should have figured out what makes someone beautiful, but ugly people on the outside don't sell magazines.


Yeah, so, Kim baby was having some giggles for his party. Just a little opera showing the demise of America. Hahaha, what a funny guy. Can't wait for the Broadway opening.

Oh, I'm a coo coo crazy man,
I want to blow the American,
My subjects starve and eat their feet,
oh, look upon my army and my fleet.
My bombs are duds and I'm a fake,
suck on that as I eat canine cake.
My people love me it's so true,
they wave the flags and hum, coo coo.

Everybody sing!

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Snap- On My Ass

Oh, laws, here they come. I knew Trump was reading my blog, and now, they are coming to get me. Don't be fooled by their silly deception, wanting you to believe Trump is heading to Snap-On tools. It's their way- say one thing, do another. Crap, I've said too much already. If you continue to read my blog, be aware, it may not be me anymore.

They're coming. Sssshhhhhh.....

Monday, April 17, 2017

WWW, When Where, What,

I've done this gig before, posting questions by curious people who are searching for answers on the WWW.  Some strange stuff shows up, such as... 'When will?'

1) "I die?"

2) "Trump be impeached?"

3) "The world end?"

4) "I ovulate?"

5) "I start showing?"

Interesting. Seems someone wants to get pregnant. Let me help you out with some answers.

1) Sooner than you want.

2) Sooner than later.

3) Sooner if Trump is not impeached.

4) Trump would know.

5) If the world ends- never.

Let's move on to your next inquiries... 'Where is?"

1) "My tax refund?"

2)"My refund?"

3) "State refund?"

4) "Casey Anthony now?"

5)"True love?"

6) "XUR?"

7) "My mind?"

1,2,3) Whoa, whoa, whoa, your refund will be delayed indefinitely so Trump can build his wall.

4) Seriously, you want to know where that, that woman is? Okay, she is listening to a sound that is coming from her chamber door.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—
            Only this and nothing more.”

5)  OMG, grow up.

6) IKN.

7) Under your bed.

This is fun, right? See, you didn't have to go anywhere but here for knowledge. Eh-hem. One more.. "

"What does?"

1) "Easter mean?"

2) "The fox say?"

3) "My name mean?"

1) It means you have to wear an itchy hat, go to church, eat ham and eggs for the next three weeks.

2) "O'Reilly might be back. Then again..."

3) It means your parents loved you enough to acknowledge your existence, unless they named you Herbert.

One, one more... "Have you?"

!) "Ever seen the rain?"

1) No. I look through the drops. I don't think these guys know either, but let's take a listen.

*Poe, if you didn't know.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Have Some Coffee. Don't Use My Silver Spoon.

So, what do non-Christians do on this day? Well, I hunt for bad eggs. I found one! Markwayne Mullin, dude who was voted by the people, for the people, except the good old boy claims he pays his own way. This is the guy who came from rich, who's silver spoon is imbedded deep in his Oklahoma orifice. He took over the family business from daddy Mullin when he was 20. Blah,blah,blah.... Just another asshole who thinks he's smarter than the people who voted for him. Hmmm, perhaps he is. After all, they voted for him.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Face to Face With Your Self

I understand that our first instinct is to flee after a traumatic incident, especially one we may have instigated, but, at some point our conscience should kick in and we should do the right thing. Isn't this part of what separates us from other animals?

Unfortunately, some people choose to hide. They turn into cowards. They show their true colors. I ponder on my own morals and reaction if I ever had to face an anomalous experience. Would I be able to stand up to a bully? Could I intervene when someone needed my help? It scares me to think I could react the way Hubbard did. Again that deep down instinct for our personal survival kicks in, yet, some never think of themselves, they jump in and help. Other turn away when they witness someone in need of help. I'm sure I would never be able to forgive myself if I turned away. 

Nathan Hubbard killed 75 year old Wesley A. Hironimus on Sunday. He hit him with his motorcycle, then took off. He hid his bike, then went to work, as Hironimus was pronounced dead. Later, Hubbard again hid his bike in a friend's shed, so, others shared in Hubbard's cowardice.

Hubbard finally turned himself in AFTER images were shown in the media, and, before he hired an attorney. Hubbard claims he had no idea the man he had hit was seriously injured. (((pause))) Uh, is that his excuse? Hubbard needs to spend quite a few years in a jail cell thinking about that. Somehow, I think he will try and turn the blame to others, such as the victim. As for those who aided Hubbard, they also need to go away for awhile.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Having His Cake

Trump: "How was your chop suey, Ping? How'd ya like that firework display, Shee? Pretty awesome. We wiped out Shanghai and Beijing. Only took a 69'er, hey, hey, know what I mean? Why he's so quiet? Does he understand the words coming out of my rose bud lips?"

Interpreter: President Jinping is choking, sir. You have bombed our cities."

Ivanka: (((whispers)))

"Trump: "No, I said we bombed Tibet and Quebec." How's that cake, pretty good, huh? The underlings around here sure know how to throw a good spread. You play golf, Shoo-shoo?"

Interpreter: President Jinping would like to know why his chair is so low? He cannot reach his fork. He also prefers not to eat with the killing map in the room."

Trump: "Hey, do you think I can order some chopsticks from you? Beautiful, beautiful. My fingers can't hold on to forks." Okay, gotta go. Get out and have a good day. Ivanka, come wipe my chin!"

Here's Mud on Yer... What!?

Nordstrom's is selling mud jeans, for $425.00. What!? What!? I mean, what!? Really!? WHAT!?