Thursday, January 31, 2013

Jack and the Gist


The gist....

It was a January morning. Jack stepped out of the cabin and picked up the ax to chop wood for the stove. He then cut his thumb on the blade and blood fell onto the snow. He looked up as he heard the car coming...

If (*) had written it...

Janet Dailey (Romance)

Keeley smiled as shivers ran up and down her milky white spine. She knew it wasn't the nipply January morning that made her squirm in her seat. She watched Jack split his wood, his hairless chest glistened and his pecs, pecced. Keeley gasped and moaned when she saw blood running down Jack's six pack. She put the car and drive and drove to her man....

Stephen King (Horror)

Jack stumbled out of the cabin hidden in the Narrows of Castle Rock. He grabbed the ax and grinned. His grin turned into a sneer when he saw the kitchen curtain flutter.

"Alright, I said I'd do it! Leave me alone!"

Jack touched the sharp blade and hissed as blood poured from his thumb and hit the cursed ground.

He smiled as he saw his wife and children drive up to the cabin.

"Now, there will be more blood," snarled Jack.

The curtain danced with the deadly breeze.

Cliff (notes)

Jack, ax, wood, cut, blood, car.

Brothers (Grimm)

Jack jumped high and kicked the snow,
he cut the wood with a mighty blow.
Jack laughed to see a princess cloud,
and cut his thumb, he cried out loud,
"I must be careful," this Jack said.
"If I cut an artery, I would be dead."
Jack waved at the car as it turned the bend.
It was Jill, with benefits, his Klutzy 'friend.'

Raymond Chandler (Pulp)

Jack felt the gat in the back of his spine. He was ready for them this time. Legs Malloy may have ratted him out once before, but this time it would be the dame's mug splattered with red. Jack swore as blood dripped from his paw. He wrapped his initialed handkerchief round the gaping hole, and waited. It didn't take long before he heard the flivver's sixteen horse power, hum...

Monkey

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*Wanna play?

**Check out Mysterious Man's takes. Very clever.


7 comments:

  1. LOL!! The Monkey version was riveting!

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  2. I really like 'his pecs pecced' :)

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  3. I realized last night that my King version was awfully close to his already written, 'The Shining.'

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  4. Mysterious Man from the ShadowsFebruary 1, 2013 at 8:34 PM

    This is awesome! I hope you do more of these.

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  5. Gee, someone sure could do a funny Gilbert and Sullivan take... : )

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  6. Mysterious Man from the ShadowsFebruary 2, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    Well, I'll give it a try...

    [To the tune of "The Criminal Cried" from "The Mikado".*

    "The lumberjack cried one Janu’ry dawn
    At the dreadful pain in his thumb.
    As red spread on the snow-covered lawn,
    He hoped that help would come.
    He tightly gripped his injured left hand,
    To try and staunch the flow,
    He let go of his axe
    And he stopped in his tracks--
    When then he saw an auto!

    But his left thumb
    Was hurt and numb;
    His right on site of the strike.
    As things stood now,
    He didn’t know how
    To signal to hitch-hike!"

    *Here's the original: http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/mikado/webopera/mk207.html

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  7. Mysterious Man from the ShadowsFebruary 3, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    This is too much fun--I hope you don't mind, but I did a few more of these on my blog.

    ReplyDelete

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