Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Hiyo, Silverware!

"Hey Bob Costas we all kno (sic) that obesity is a direct result of the proliferation of spoons and forks. Get a clue." - Ted Nugent.

Okay, I've been trying to figure how to present my case, to analyze Nugent's comparison of guns that kill, and spoons and forks, that kill, slowly. I guess.

Let's see... If there weren't any guns, people would use other resources to kill. But in many cases, if someone is holding a gun, it's so easy to just pull out a gun, and shoot. Otherwise, you have to go into the kitchen and grab a knife. Nugent has not declared knives off limits. But, that allows the other person to either follow you into the kitchen and get his own knife, or, take off. The element of surprise is gone when you no longer have a gun. It also becomes a bit more personal when you don't have a gun and must use something else, like a butter knife, a hammer, fists... But, you'd have to go look for a hammer in the tool box (see above, the lost element of surprise) You could use your fists but that's pretty personal. You gotta look at the person you are beating. It takes time to beat someone to death. Plus, you will make a bloody mess. Good reasons why guns come in handy. A little mess, but, not enough to get on your new shirt.

I guess Nugent has a point. Take away our rights to own a spoon or a fork. What options do we have?
Well, there are a few. We can eat with our hands. It's awfully messy, though. Eat out of a bowl, like an animal, use a knife. Hey, he didn't mention chopsticks (which would also make a fine weapon) But most people would rather use a dvd than chopsticks, I think. It certainly would cut down on obesity. It would take forever to eat a Whopper and fries and suck on that that milkshake. Oh, wait. No it wouldn't. Hmm...

Well, it certainly is something to ponder. I have a head-ache, now, so I will talk about Costas and timing. Even if he was right (I say, aye) it just wasn't the time or place to make his opinion known. I surely don't want to hear the Fox team's personal opinion on stuff, like that drama with Karl Rove and Megyn Kelly who nearly choked on his Whopper when he learned Obama was re-elected.

Speaking of  the proliferation of spoons and forks...


  1. I think Costas did well to speak as he did, when he did. He was presenting it in the context of people using the tragic incident to but sports in its proper context. Bob said if anyone needed such a thing to do that, they would rationalize sports in perpetuity. I'm in agreement with him and Thingy in that, if Belcher does not have a gun handy, the girlfriend and him are both alive today.

    I like guns. They are fun to shoot. But, the 'fun' and 'sport' of guns is just the coincidental residue of the real purpose of guns- killing. It bothers me that, at the time of the theater murders in Colorado, people said "now is not the time to discuss guns..." They are saying that now, as well. When IS the right time? The next time?

  2. Well, here's another difference between a gun and knife -- if I stab somebody, a stray knife doesn't fly across the street and kill a kid on the playground.

    Drive-by shootings are pretty common, but I've never heard of a drive-by stabbing ...

  3. Statistics on the number of drive-by stabbings have remained zero.

  4. And this is how I remember how to properly set my table. First I think of Piggies from the White Album. Then I clutch my fork (in my left hand) and my knife (in my right hand) and place them on the corresponding sides of the plate. Then i add a spoon to keep the knife company. Then I eat my bacon. :-)


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