I go back and back, ingesting blame
a mother's lapse, search to reveal
where, when, how, what time to frame
With ragged breaths, our common bond
one's tortured lungs, one's burning guilt
what or if we get beyond
a night of terror, I feel I have built
my shattered role, to protect
proof from your life giving mask
I've failed and faltered in my neglect
somewhere, somehow, shirked my task
Don't take her from me, heed my plea
ease her staggered gulps for air
if I have wronged then punish me
not this child, my daughter, fair
A mother's guilt, runs ocean's deep
self induced or with some reality
mommy flogging while I watch her sleep
I beat myself into accountability.
I beat myself into accountability.
*For Poetry Potluck, 'Doubts, Fears, Inhibitions and Hesitations.'
