Wednesday, July 1, 2015

It's Optical!



Don't you love science? I do. Hated it when I was a kid. It was boring. Man, if they had stuff like this back in my day, who knows where I'd be today!? I do see her. She looks like our Lt, Governor, Rebecca Kleefisch.

**Oh, you have to stare at white thing on nose for 15 seconds, then look to right.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Nip it in the Butt


So, I went to the parade with my child and her child. Such a nice day with stilt walkers and clydesdale hors....

(((SCREEEEEEECH))))

Whoa, whoa, whoa. If you want Goldie optimism head elsewhere. I deal in negativity, yes I do.



So, I was at the parade with my kid and her kid and WTF! I have never seen so many overweight people in my life! Not chubby. Not heavy, but seriously, morbidly obese. Can I be a bitch about this? Yes! I have battled with the fat lady myself. But, even ugly people know they are ugly. Most fat people know they are fat.

Don't they? I wonder. Some crazy. mindblowing outfits were seen. One woman was in a halter top which showed her sagging belly. A young lady wearing short shorts with lace stockings and a top which showed her midriff. Hey, I don't care if you don't care, but ladies and gents, it's ugly. Let's get real.

According to the Center for Disease Control, adults 20 years and older are 69.0% overweight, and those stats are from 2012. Children ages, 2-5 are 8.4% overweight!

I walked, yes walked, over to the Subway. Right across the street is the new Chicken and donuts establishment. need I tell you (I will) Subway had one other customer besides me and the chicken joint was overflowing with lard. I'm not saying Subway is perfect, but you have better choices. Better yet, go home. Cook like your ma did.

Come on people, we need to stop hurting our bodies. It's not right and it is downright ugly.

Sheperd Pie


Really, I just want a friend,
thissss furry paw to lend.
I am tolerant of your kind,
share my dishiss, I won't mind.
Ooooh, good boy, goood boy,
come play with thisss squeaky toy!
a little leap of faith mein sheperd,
I'll help you pal, rehisst assured.
Welcome cur, I'm the cheshire cat,
one can of kibble doth make me fat.
You wonder at the marvel of this?
come closer sir, closerhiiiisssss.


Friday, June 26, 2015

Mr. Smith and Corona


Look at this beauty. When my sister was packing 43 years worth of "stuff" she found this old Smith-Corona typewriter our gramps used to type customer invoices. It was just a given that when we would drive to Chicago to visit Gram and Gramps we'd pretend we were "secretaries" (This was the late 60's, folks) and tap, tap, tap til our arms were sore, or dinner was ready.

Sister asked if I wanted it. Duuuuuuuh.

Can you imagine writing a book on this?



****************

"Bernice, get me Johnson on the horn. I think this bird gave me the bum steer. He owes me a five spot..."

(((Bernice pops her Wrigley's)))) There's a lady wanting to speak to youse. Mr. Smith. Should I let her in yer cave?"

"Tell her to make tracks, I gotta make nice with a b-girl who says she has the low down on a rats and mice game going down. I'll probably be bumping gums but I hear the word out out on the street is some creep is trying to sell a Chicago typewriter to some mug. Could put some cabbage in our pockets."

Ray nearly tossed his morning joe when the cookie sauntered into his sights. He's seen some dolls in his life but this bird was the type a guy could lose his beaner in. She had peepers the color of ice in a cold brewski. She wore some clingy Coco which didn't hide her unmentionables and boy I'd sure like to mention her unmentionables. As I laid my googles on her headlights she finally spoke.

"I'm here to give you some advice Mr. big time dick, you lay off my sister. Corona. She ain't no sweet patootie you can play with. I want you to give her a dil-ya-ble and give her the kiss off, but gentle, ya see. She's got a ring on her finger from some crumb getting ready to be released from the hoosegow any day now. You could be wearing a Chicago overcoat if you don't. This ain't no bum steer, dick."

"House about you zip yer hole? Shake a leg and mind yer own store, ya dig?"

The dame smiled her whites and as she turned with those swell gams she tossed her blonde do and replied, " You're gumming up the works, dick, and I don't like a gumshoe with gum on his Buster Browns."

What a pill, I thought as I eyeballed with my blinkers her backside slinking out the door. To tell the truth I wasn't ready for the meat wagon so's I got on the ameche before her big sister could say,  "Heido-ho,"  and gave Corona the big farewell.

Clingy broads don't pay the rent. I wasn't gonna snap my cap over it. It had been a long day and I was joed but I got in my tin can and headed over to Jake's speakeasy and shook a crumb over a five spot he owed me.

Just another day in the apple.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Oooh

Kind of freaky. It's just a water mark from my glass of iced tea and the eye must be my lamp.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

I Get No Satisfaction


It's weird how some things stay the same. I was thinking about our baby boomers. I had volunteered a few years ago at a "senior center assistance home" where I noticed the only thing to play on the cd player were oldies tune. Oldies, like, Frank and Doris and Big Band music.

It made me laugh. Where's the Led, the Stones...

Ooooh, speaking of the Stones... they are playing at Summerfest...WTF! today! They play today.

It breaks my heart to see them at this venue. I always thought of Summerfest as a carnival, only bigger and seedier, even though my man, Dylan played there. That doesn't bother me. He'll play anywhere. And he can.

But the Stones? At Summerfest?

Breaks my heart.





Monday, June 22, 2015

Ain't Gonna Buy No Moonglow!


I talked to Miss Andrea Balderash's neighbor regarding the recent  behavior of Miss Balderash. Mrs. Kravitz noted, Why I've never seen her so enthused, so happy, so fast. Why she flew past me."

"Did she say anything as she ran by, anything we can gather from this stunning aberration?"


I don't really recall. I think she may have said, '"I'm out, I'm out!"'


It is happening everywhere. This strange phenomenon. People who never cared about their dull lives have changed overnight.


And it's all due to Moonglow. Moonglow will clean your clothes, shine your shoes, make fruit taste tastier. 

Get it today!



*****

The above news story is fiction, but I am concerned. I am disturbed by what I knew was coming. Ads that look like news. I just saw one in my local Happenings magazine. It was amongst a section about car repairs and tips on how to make your car last longer. 

I never minded name brands in movies as long as the product was not in the forefront and the characters didn't handle it as if it was the Holy Grail. But, this seems different. Sneaky and creepy.

I don't like it.

Not one bit.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

This and That


Sometimes, I don't mind the tinnitus which is my constant companion. Occasionally, it will sound as if I have a band of bagpipers playing a mournful song off in the distance.


***************

I believe I have mentioned my grandchild calls me Ama. Unfortunately, her sister friend stopped by to visit and calls me, Elmo.

***************

I'm reading, 'Songs in Ordinary Times,' by Mary McGarry Morris. Another book about people who got the short end of life's stick. Pretty much, the average American. It's interesting even if a bit depressing. 


********

I have no idea why my text is weird.

**************

Do I miss TV? NO! 

***********

A week ago my daughter's car died in my parking lot. Something to do with tire bangles or dangles. She called her father who said he would come out to fix it the following Saturday. I have not seen my ex in a decade and wanted to keep it that way. The problem with our being together is he thinks he can still be familiar with me. Not sexually, but that he can still critique my life. Things such as, "Wow, that hair color does not work on you!" Or, Jeez, you still wear AC/DC t-shirts? Time to grow up, eh?"

So, I was a little anxious, but my daughter said they wouldn't even have to come in...until...he had to wash his hands after fixing the boon swaggle on the car. Uh-oh. It was so odd, I crept out the back door whilst daughter showed him the bathroom.

Man, talk about immature. But, I just cannot deal with him. Hope I don't have to not see him for another decade.

************

Why are 90% of librarians balding? Can't be the pressure. They look at books all day for gahd's sake.

**********

My book is ready to be published! One small victory for moi!

((((clap, clap))))




Friday, June 19, 2015

Never Too Late, Baby


It's never too late, baby. I cannot tell you the hours I spent listening to this album. Just the cover soothed away the tension. She's alright in my book.

*Still have the album. : )

**From History.com...

Carole King began her career in music as a young newlywed and college graduate, working a 9-to-5 shift alongside her then-husband, Gerry Goffin, in Don Kirshner’s songwriting factory, Aldon Music. It was there, working in a cubicle with a piano, staff paper and tape recorder that she co-wrote her first hit song (the Shirelles’ “Will You Love Me Tomorrow,” 1960), her second and third hit songs (the Drifters’ “Some Kind Of Wonderful” and Bobby Vee’s “Take Good Care Of My Baby,” both 1961), her 14th and 17th hit songs (the Chiffons’ “One Fine Day,” 1963, and Herman’s Hermits’ “Something Tells Me I’m Into Something Good,” 1964) and so on and so forth. It was not until 10 years after her songwriting breakthrough, however, that Carole King finally fulfilled her long-held dream of having her own hit record as both singer and songwriter. On June 19, 1971, she earned her first #1 single as a performer with the double-sided hit “It’s Too Late/I Feel The Earth Move.”
King’s hit single came from one of the best and most popular albums of the singer-songwriter era—an era that Carole King helped usher in. Tapestry was a milestone not only for Carole King, but for women in rock and roll in general. As the critic Robert Christgau put it: “King has done for the female voice what countless singer-composers achieved years ago for the male: liberated it from technical decorum. She insists on being heard as she is…with all the cracks and imperfections that implies.” On the heels of Tapestry‘s success, up-and-coming solo female performers like Carly Simon and Rickie Lee Jones found an easier path to popularity, and the great Joni Mitchell entered the period of her greatest commercial success.
The success of Tapestry and Carole King’s first #1 single launched her career as a solo performer, but a look around the pop charts of 1971 reveals just how big a force she remained behind the scenes. Among the artists who earned #1 pop hits that year, Tony Orlando and Dawn, Rod Stewart, Isaac Hayes, George Harrison and Paul McCartney all recorded a Carole King song at one point in their careers, and Donny Osmond and James Taylor owe their only chart-topping 1971 hits (“Go Away Little Girl” and “You’ve Got A Friend,” respectively) to her songwriting talents.