Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I Piss on Me. Wee-wee

Dated: September 17,2014...
Gerard Depardieu, the titan of French cinema and renowned bon vivant, claims he sometimes drinks up to 14 bottles of wine a day.
Even a quintuple heart bypass operation 14 years ago does not seem to have tempered the actor's drinking, nor a serious motorcycle crash while over the legal limit.
The 65-year-old Frenchman’s fondness for wine is such that he runs his own award-winning vineyard in the Medoc.

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Dated: August,17,2011.


I am Gerard Deparieu, I shall piss on you,
I have no control of discretion or bladder,
oh be quiet, you silly girl, I am Gerard Depardieu
If I must go with the flow, what is it that is the matter?
Oui, oui, I am a star, a beloved star like Jerry Lewis,
we can piss on planes, piss of floors, and piss on you,
Do you know who I am!? The Great Cyrano de bergeriish 
and other French things, I like my croissants and vin blanc, too.
I am a bon vivant without a bottle, you wannabe me, fool.
I charm you with my crooked smile, because I am, Gerard Depardieu,
so I shall whisk it out and relieve my french tool 
I am Gerard Depardieu, therefore, I piss on you.
Wee, wee

Ooh, Those Thighs, Baby

Whenever I hear this commercial I suddenly want to strip tease. Am I the only one?

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Ring the Buzzard for Alfresco Dining

Death. It's a touchy subject. Some people prefer not to think about it. Many try to make the inevitable easier on their sensitive selves by believing there is something beyond, and better than this vast Universe.

Hmm.. Perhaps. I choose to believe this is it and you better enjoy every moment. Seriously, this, what we have now is quite amazing. But, I wouldn't mind locating to another dimension or what may be beyond.

I pondered on this subject after I had read, 'Stiff,' written by, Mary Roach. She wanted to know what happens to cadavers after their lights went out. Oooh, I love this kind of stuff! Yes, it's a tad gruesome - mostly because people are afraid to face the grim reality of nothingness. She writes of alternatives to the traditional burial. You know, casket, embalming, rods, fluids, stinky flowers, muzak... Going out that way never seemed that ideal to me.

My preference would be to be tossed upon a Himalayan yak (sky burial) and let the buzzards have at it. Reality must win over. It won't happen, but their are some other alternatives I find quite interesting.

Don't cringe. Face the reaper. Help out the planet a bit as well.

Roach writes about Susanne Wiigh-Masak, who runs Promessa. here you can be freeze-dried, then your bones are crushed and used as mulch. Stiff was written in 2003, and Promessa still ahs not had it's first customer. It may not happen, but don't despair- there are plenty of other ways to rid oneself of a body.

You could be part of a reef. Your cremains will be mixed with cement and lovely little sea creatures will use you as a home. Very nice.

You could be liquefied. Not sure what they do with that liquid, though.

How about going into outer space? Totally cool. For $3,000, Celetis will shoot (it won't hurt a bit) you into orbit where you will be forever dazzled. (Not really, cause your dead)

Old school mummification? No thanks.

Oh, and this one- Plastination. It's tough looking at these plasticized humans, especially pregnant women. I don't think I want strangers looking at my body (although I had no trouble with that in the late 70's (Rah-rah) It's fascinating, but icky.

But, hey, many choices. Greener, cleaner, cooler.


Monday, September 15, 2014

Just. Go. Away

Go away. Please, just go away.

Kanye West. 'Okay you sinners. I command thee to stand up before me! Yeezus says, staaaaaaand!'

He didn't really say that, but he did insist everyone stand up before he sang. And he wasn't gonna start until those lazy, no-good... Oh, one's in a wheelchair and the other has a fake leg.

Go away, West. Just, go.

Whoooeeeee! Dang! I had to look real close at this, although I'm in the library and look like a creeperly. Is this insane or what?! Columbia's cycling team. No Brazilian, here. Nyuk,nyuk.

And last but not least, cause I do like those bread sticks... (okay, not last)

Investor, Starboard Value, a hedge fund, has scolded Olive Garden for giving out too many breadsticks. They also don't like O.G.'s generous all you can eat salad. Oooh, that salad is so good. I admit, you don't get much for your money when it comes to the main meal so best load up on salad and breadsticks. Come on, though! 300 pages of criticism- even calling Olive Garden's touch with a bounty basket of bread, "reckless." Mama Mia!

Go away, Starboard. And take those breadsticks out of your pockets!

What's happening, robbers and thieves? Not getting enough zzzzzz's? Seems to be a lot of stories in the neeeeeewwwwwws about people (let's call them men, because they are all men) who break into a house, bar, store... grab some loot and then linger longingly over that comfy looking spot and they cannot resist.

Steal a coffee pot next time, fellas.

And, go away.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Homeward Bound

I love this idea. Everyone should have a place of their own. Just knowing you have shelter does so much for your health, and soul.

The Thingster always tries to be open and honest on this blog. Ain't no point in lying (although I try to keep some secrets) But, there was a time, not too distant in the past where being homeless was a big possibility. It is the most frightening experience I think I have ever had. And to get help? Wait in line, pal. Better yet, here's a list of churches that will let you sleep on their bed bug infested cot for the night. Oh, and before we allow you to enter you must swear on the Bible that you will not drink, smoke, cuss, bite, cry, or engage in any other human behavior.

Oh, and family. Close family. Someone you thought would stand by you no matter what said she could not get involved in my plight. Not financially. Not emotionally. I cannot describe that feeling to you when she spoke those words to me.

I am not a drug addict. I don't smoke (anything) I'll drink a glass of wine occasionally (It's been three months since my last glass) I'm not stupid. So, how did I get there, to that dark, dark place?

I just read a book, and I'm so sorry I cannot recall the title, but in the end when the father contemplates where he is at in life, he is stunned; it takes his breath away. How did he get here, to this point in life he never imagined he would ever be? It made me cry. It's so true. We take roads, make decisions, try, try, try.

And here we are.

Everyone should have a place to call their own. Simply to feel human- to cry, giggle, dance, to be a part of humanity.

'Another American city is embracing the idea of small homes that'll make a big difference.
The city of Portland, Oregon, is nearing approval of construction for tiny home communities on public land in order to house homeless and low-income residents, the Oregonian reported. Josh Alpert, the city's director of strategic initiatives under Mayor Charlie Hales, said it's not so much a question of if, but rather, when the homes will be built in partnership with Multnomah County, according to the news source. The city will ask various public branches in the area -- including Portland Public Schools -- to provide surplus land for the homes.
"Before people can get back on their feet and take advantage of job training and drug and alcohol counseling, they need a place to live," Multnomah County Chairwoman Deborah Kafoury said Wednesday, according to the Oregonian. "This helps accomplish that."
Creating tiny home communities has proven to be a successful strategy for other cities around the country combating homelessness. Similar projects in Wisconsin, Texas and New York have put permanent roofs over heads in recent years, Reuters reported, allowing residents to focus more on moving forward in other areas of their lives.
"It's exciting. I've never owned my own house,” Betty Ybarra, a formerly homeless woman who'd lived in a tent in Madison, Wisconsin, told NBC 15 News last December.
Portland hopes to have the first micro-community in place by February of next year.
Nonprofit Micro Community Concepts teamed up with TechDwell, an area company specializing in micro-home design, to work on concepts with the city.
tiny homes portland or
tiny homes in portland
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All images courtesy of TechDwell.
Initial plans include 25 housing units on a given plot of land, with laundry, administrative services and other amenities present on-site. The 192 square-foot homes, which would cost $250 to $350 per month to rent, would allow individuals making just $5,000 to $15,000 a year to be able to afford them, according to Dave Carboneau of TechDwell.
The tiny homes project being led by Mayor Hales -- who Alpert said is "infatuated" with the idea -- reflects a significant change in dealing with homelessness from city leadership. In February, protesters carrying lit torches descended upon Portland City Hall, angered by the mayor's attempts to clear out homeless campsites in public spaces, according to the Portland Mercury.'


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Department of Holes in One

Look, I get it. The President needs to relax. I'm sure the pressures of being the big man in charge are incredible.

But, golf?

I truly hate golf. I don't get it. But each to his/her own. I wanna climb mountains. That's hardly a sport either.

So, what bugs me about Obama kicking tiny balls into holes in the ground? Timing, perhaps? Going out after offering his condolences to James Foley was a little disturbing when I heard it.

I still like the guy. Seems like a good husband and great dad. Yeah, Jimmy Carter was a nice person too, but a lousy president. I guess only time will tell where Obama stands in the presidential popularity contest, but let us remember- the guy has a lot on his plate. Can we agree to that?

What's he going to say tonight. ISIS is very naughty, but we must wait? Immigration needs to be dealt with, but it takes time? A lot to think about, indeed.

But let's take a look back folks. Are you old enough to remember having to dive bomb under your desks because Russia was going to bomb us? Are you old enough to remember having to ration food, or having no food at all? Are you young enough to be fearful of going to school not knowing if some nut is going to shoot you?

Fear is still there. Evil is still there. Nothing new. But, it's how our leaders handle situations that make the vast difference in where this Country goes in the future.

I like Obama. I just wish he'd have another hobby- like whack-a-guerilla.

**Oh, by the way. If I hear one more reporter wonder what Obama's "game plan," is going to be, I may shatter the TV screen with a golf stick, or whatever they call those things. First, I have to find one.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Rice in the Paddy Wagon

Makes ya sick, doesn't it? I am so angry and frustrated with everyone involved in this senseless act. It wasn't until this tape was shown that Rice was finally suspended from the football league. Really! So when the other film was shown showing Ray Rice dragging his then fiancĂ©e out of the elevator what were people, especially those with the power to do something, thinking? That she tripped and fell over his fist? 

And are the police involved with this?

Her, 'stand by my man,' stance just floods my heart with such sorrow. You need help, lady. Unfortunately, authorities can't help you until you admit what a horrible mistake you made by marrying this vile being.

Will Rice be charged with abuse? And don't give me that fucking domestic abuse tag. Abuse is abuse!!

He needs serious jail time. She needs to separate herself from this ass-hole. Perhaps the fact that he won't be making big bucks in the near future will change her tune. Oh, how jaded am I.

Jaded but not oblivious. Get your act together motherfuckers and deal with this in a just an honorable way.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Common Footmen

So, ya think the ladies will be here soon?
Skipper's got an old lady's shawl for a snack,
I'm gonna kiss Miss Motti under the Harvest moon,
 Midge's gotta great set of wings on her back.

Hey, dig those Flaming Lips,
"It jitters like a moth,"
I'm hot, so hot, thinking bout them hips,
Oh, Black Witch, what have thoust wroth?

Getting kind of late my amiglows,
do ya think the girls ditched us again?
 Their fluttering under the bulb at Moe's,
let's buzz on over, be brave my hoar(n)y men!